Would You?

a now-married cousin of mine once used to say, during her courting days, that one would not be completely at ease with one's spouse unless he or she farted in front of his or her spouse without feeling embarassed or guilty. meaning to say, one is not really comfortable with his or her spouse until one dares to fart without feeling embarassed or guilty.

at that time, I went like "Huh? What??"

she went on and told me that in countless occassions she tried to do that in the presence of her then boyfriend (now husband) but he either did not hear it or chose not to acknowledge it ( to save her from embarassment, maybe).

and I asked her.. "Why would you want to do that? Gosh!"

She said, "Yalah, otherwise I belum betul-betul comfortable lah with him, kan?"

I didn't say anything. I thought "Ya Allah, budak ni...." I don't know about others but, hey, for girls, it's different. Different, different, different!

And many, many years ago, an old friend of mine told me about her aunt. Apparently the aunt went on a date with her rich boyfriend and then the aunt asked her boyfriend whether or not she could fart in his car. Aloud, okay. He said, "Go ahead, don't have to ask..." And the aunt did it.. loudly.

Haiiiiya! Ini lagi sorang. What's with these people? And they are the ones who look very docile, very demure and very polite, you know. Wanita Melayu Terakhir tau.. Macam I ini senang-senang boleh di klasifikasikan as Mafia.

BUT I DON'T DO SUCH THINGS. I JUST DON'T. AND WON'T.

Would you?

The Body Exchange : Part II

I asked my friend regarding The Body Exchange concept.. well, discussed was more like it.. a wonderful man, aged 45 (not my ex-boyfriend). He admitted that he used to 'play the field' too. But slowed down when he found a steady. Yes, I am certain that he was quite a player in his days. How I envy the girls... hehehe kidding...

So I asked him whether he had an 'occasional sliding' after marriage. He said, that's quite normal, plus it would be accompanied with guilt afterwards. I told him that, in my case, of course, I am prepared to make allowances for 'occasional sliding'. Old habit dies hard, after all (see, i am very cool and understanding). Just that it is difficult for me to comprehend the act of men who keep on doing it even after marriage and children, not to mention collecting sluts. I guess the only possible and plausible explanation would be that it is done as a hobby, a favourite pastime, a habit.

He told me, "There is no such thing as 'hobby' in this matter. If one does it too often, then it is not a hobby, it is a sickness. It could also mean he is having a mid-life crisis "

I was all smiling. I said "but in my case he hasn't even reached the middle age yet. So it must be a whole-life crisis".

The Body Exchange

as I was driving back home this evening.. i thought of this concept : The Body Exchange. Why, we used to have the Kuala Lumpur Stock Exchange (now Bursa Malaysia), a place for trading shares. So let's talk about another form of exchange here, shall we?

The Body Exchange : Men, especially married men, who are playing the field in full throttle, sleeping around religiously, accumulating mistresses relentlessly, cruising from one girlfriend to another, exposing their wives to STDs. In short, their bodies are like a 'trading' exchange for an endless succession of women (or sluts, depending on the case).These men are not that different from them sex workers (alternate word for h**kers). Ah, but even sex workers do quote a price. They get paid for services rendered. These men, however, along with trading their bodies FOC, they will be the one generously compensating the sluts they are sleeping with. Money, property, gifts - all acceptable.

Appealing, isn't it? Freely available plus money and property and gifts. Verry irresistible package.

Many, many blissful years ago, the higher the education of the bride-to-be, the larger the figures of the hantaran for her. But hello, these days the going trend is : the richer the man, the more obscene the amount of hantaran will be charged (not to mention the acquiring expenses (or shall i say courting?), irrespective of the nature and character of the bride-to-be, whether she is educated, or slutty, or scheming, or of a perampas nature. Love is really blind, yes. *wink*

imagine when one wants to buy a magazine : it's most natural if he or she chooses the brand new, fresh-looking ones, and not the dog-eared ones. Rasa macam tak best kalau beli yang orang dah buka-buka, dah terlipat here and there. Macam beli 2nd hand mags. Now, consider this: how if one of you ladies is unfortunate enough to be married to a man who carries The Body Exchange label. Bukan satu, bukan dua, bukan sepuluh... berpuluh-puluh perempuan have been 'traded' at the body exchange. EYIKESSSS!

but when it comes to choosing a lifelong partner, these men opt for the untouched, the holy virgin, the noble ones. So let us remind them of something which they have conveniently forgotten:

"The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatoress or a mushrikah, and none marries her (fornicatoress) except a fornicator or a mushrik : such are forbidden to the believers".

[An-Nur : 3]

When The Husband Is Silent

A good friend of mine mengadu hal yang her hubby's not like before. For the record they were married last year and she gave birth to their first baby on February. And according to her, her husband "sudah tidak banyak bercakap tetapi dengan baby okay pula, boleh bermesra".

Earlier she complained that her husband 'never called her at home to ask about her and the baby.' She is still in confinement and would be back to work in another week or so. And she also said bila weekend sahaja he would go play 'golf, golf and golf. Sudahlah weekdays pun main golf'.

I don't know but to me it does not really sound like a big problem.

I told my friend, husband dia tu responsible for the whole family business. Jadi, banyaklah perkara dalam fikirannya, banyaklah pula agaknya things to be settled. Kalau dia bermain-main dengan baby tu, itu biasalah.. surely dia ingat his wife is more understanding, faham yang dia penat, busy and all. Baby kecil lagi, so kenalah berikan perhatian yang lebih.

About not making conversation, I suggested to her that if the husband diam, why not you start.. kalau memang nampak dia nak rest dan tak mahu bercakap banyak then biarkanlah. Maybe he needs some time alone. Kalau dia tak call rumah tanya tentang baby, I katakan yang dia kenalah berikan husband nya time.. bukan semua new dad tahu apa yang perlu dilakukan... especially young fathers.. mungkin ada husbands yang pandai, tetapi tidak semua sama.. mungkin as a father dia ada keistimewaan lain.. we'll never know.

Golf.. well.. kalau itu minatnya tak apalah... I told her kalau you dah sayangkan dia, accept saja yang itu hobby dia.. as long as dia betul-betul di golf course tak apa. And kalau tidak.. well..kayu golf pun boleh makan tuan what hehehehe...

Also, I told her, mungkin you dalam pantang ni tak keluar ke mana-mana itu yang sensitive sikit. Esok dah kerja semula mesti okay.

What if it's my own husband?

As I was talking to my sister, we talked about the possibilities kalau-kalau our husbands later jadi begitu. (my sister pun kenal baik dengan this friend of mine so she knows).

I told my sis, kena tengok dulu macamana.. sebab entah-entah kalau dia balik rumah bukan dia sahaja yang tak mahu cakap banyak, maybe I pun, especially kalau tengah bad mood pasal office ke. And it's a good thing kalau ada baby.. adalah juga tempat dia nak berbual hehehehe. Sebab I ni jenis yang kalau tengah bad mood memang tak suka bercakap langsung.

Also, to me, you nak cakap, cakap. Tak mahu it's okay. You wanna call me at home to ask about me and the baby, I appreciate it. That's really sweet. Kalau tidak, I am not about to remind you all the time. Yalah, kalau nak bercakap dengan kita atau suruh call kita pun sampai nak kena suruh, to me that is not natural lagi dah. Tak adalah sweet nya lagi. But this is just me. Tapi I takkan melawan or tunjuk perasaan. I am fine. Insya Allah.

It's really because of the kind of person that I am agaknya. I am a natural loner. By choice. So, silence, or lack of company or attention is always fine. Tak ada hal punya hehehe. I am always occupied hahahaha. Adalah juga risiko my husband would feel 'diabaikan' in the sense that he would not be really missed kalau outstation ke apa...hehehe.. nasiblah... especially kalau time F1 season..

But if he's tired, needs some time alone ke.. pening ke.. no problem.. I would biarkan aje dia.. if you need my company, just say so.. nanti esok-esok dia okay lah tu... kalau tak okay juga pandai-pandai kaulah bagi okay hehehe.. yang pentingnya kita kena tahu when to stay close or when to give him some space...

I nak jalan you tak ada masa nak bawa I, husband? I pergi sendiri, I am not about to wait for you at home sulking. That is so not me. Cuma, kalau tiada masa nak bawa, just give the consent. That's all. Kot tak kang jadi derhaka lak aku kan.

Hobbies? You have all the freedom, husband, as long as you are truthful and sincere.

Wanna cheat on me? You can try, but please, for the love of God, do not let me find out or see anything....cover your tracks really well. Be smart.

Last but not least.. my policy in the event of infidelity : Let the one who is unfaithful be the one who cries blood.

Happily, Then Unhappily Married

I am inspired to write this because of two things. Number One, the entry written by my Charming Sister in her private buletin, and Number Two, in view of the unhappily married friends of mine.

Yes, what my sister wrote is very,very, true. And I am going to reestablish it here, to share with all of you. I am going to use my own sentence, for reasons known only to myself and herself *grin*.

These unhappily married people, time orang lain sibuk-sibuk nak kahwin, dia pun SIBUK juga nak kahwin. Tengok orang go shopping for hantaran diaorang ni pun cannot wait to follow suit. Ada pula tu yang sanggup paksa a guy belikan hantaran dan paksa bertunang (My God). Dan selepas kahwin, orang sibuk-sibuk nak minta dilepaskan, nak bebas semula, dia pun sibuk consider benda yang sama.

And now, you people come to me to complain about the very things that I warned you about? What, you want me to say I told you so? You want me to laugh at you? I am sorry, you want me to think of a solution?

I really do not know what to say. Because the way I see it, you people are scr*w*d up BIG TIME punya.

Forgive me, but these people, kenal mengenal in 1, 2 or 3 months, terus grab the man and ajak bertunang. Then 4-6 months later, berkahwin. And about a year later, mula berduka lara. Of course, these people are not the survivors type yang boleh tahan apa situation pun, yang boleh buat tak tau aje to their surrounding. These people are the people yang menjadi society's favourite ladies kononnya. I do not want to go into details.. enough if I say these are the type yang ala-ala 'control ayu' and lembut gigi dari lidah. Jenis perempuan yang her 'Yes' means 'No' and her 'No' means 'Yes'. In short, the type that I classify as 'Highly Membosankan'. Atau dalam bahasa halusnya "Obedient, But Not Very Bright".

Oh, as a recap, dulu sebelum diaorang ni kahwin, when told to fikir habis-habis dan bila kita point out the drawbacks, the popular reply would be.. "Kalau macam itu sampai bila pun tak kahwin". Yes, come to think of it, sepatutnya time tu I tanya dia kan, "You nak kahwin sampai bila, actually?" Another popular reply is "Ala, lepas kahwin nanti pandai-pandai la. Mana ada orang kahwin tak ada masalah".

And now, bravo! Pandai-pandai lah ya... kot-kotlah nak kahwin 'sampai setakat ini' sahaja.

If You Love Someone...

Ladies, ladies.. here's a question..if you love someone truly.. well if you claim you love someone truly, suppose he betrays you, would you do something to embarass him?

I am asking this because on two different occassions, both women claimed to love their men truly but well.. they acted quite the contrary.

Situation One, my friend, whose fiancee has some sort relationship with his own staff... she made one surprise visit to his office and ended up feeling deeply hurt and embarassed (of course I have warned her not to do but she did it anyway).

Situation Two, another lady, whose husband was having an affair (had been having an affair for a long time, and this was his second affair).. she called his office and spoke to the HR, intending to bad mouth and made her husband look bad to the HR.. but didn't quite make it.. as the HR told her that they have no right to interfere in a staff's personal matters. (if i were to be the wife, tak tau mana aku nak letak muka)

Interestingly, both women ni dok menangis la sampai berjuraian air mata.. sayang abang, sayang abang and all.. my question is.. kalau you sayang kenapa you buat begituuuu? WHY?

Of course we all know they have been treated unfairly.. but that's not an excuse to act in such a way... and.. to their detriment!

First and foremost, you are only embarassing yourself..second, rather than getting back your men (which was what both of them wanted apparently), you are only creating a bigger gap between you and him and... you are giving him another reason to hate you... and not to respect you..

Memang ramai yang kata.. "habis dia buat I macam tu.. nak biarkan? " I always say to these people.. yes, dia memang buat hal.. but do you have to be stupid too? and these women would say.. "I geram, I geram.. I buat macam itu baru puas hati I"

Ya, memang puas hati.. but after that, you sakit hati lebih teruk kan? Okay.. katakan you berjaya catch him red-handed... memang puas hati.. but at the same time sakit hati, kan?

Ladies.. should you be facing this situation.. first of all.. calm down, distract yourself if calming down is too hard to be done... whatever it is.. please do not do damaging things.. remember.. if a man does not love you, or have a change of heart or buang tabiat (in the case of old, married man) - at least he should respect you lah kan.. meaning to say.. janganlah buat benda-benda yang akan membuatkan dia memandang rendah pada you...

As for myself.. if ever my husband is seeing someone else.. or is having an affair.. or even my boyfriend pun.. kalau buat perangai.. I am not going to attack him or humiliate him.... bukan apa..not worth it, really.. what if it's nothing.. that he's just flirting.. lepas tu you pula sudah mengamuk macam raksaksa.. elok-elok dia sayang, dia terus menyampah.. kan rugi?

Kalau I, I would secretly find out, act normal... and once I have all the evidence (undoubted evidence) I would ask him.. coolly that is.. see what he has to say... and.. if he lies.. if he doesn't want to come clean.. then.. depending on my assessment of the situation lah... kalau hati ni sakit sangat.. or if it's unforgivable.. hehehe then selamat tinggal lah kau... I would leave quietly..yes.. leaving quietly and gracefully.. yeah so he betrayed me.. but I don't have to go crazy, do I?

after that, tak kisahlah whether dia suka ke tak suka ke I dah tak ada.. it's immaterial.. yang penting I dah tak payah tengok muka dia yang menyakitkan hati itu lagi hahahaha.. and no, tak ada masa nak mengamuk or bersilat or serang-menyerang.. hehehe.. apa class lah kan.... nak berebut orang yang seperti itu.. huhuhuhuhu... bumi Allah ni luas.. umat Muhammad (pbuh) pun ramai hehehe... *grin*

itu kalau I dah tak berniat nak continue the relationship or marriage lah kan...

kalau I still want to continue.. well... to be continued in next post... heheheh...

FOR ALL WOMANKIND... Preface

I am inspired to launch the For All Womankind series after I have been asked to give opinions, advice and if you could call it.. consultation.. from my female friends. Mostly it involves issues regarding marriage and relationship. Sometimes I do think it's kinda funny since I am not even married hence I have no experience whatsoever in that sense, let alone to advise on it.

This is nothing too serious.. just a flash of thoughts.. and I do welcome precious comments from all of you.. I really do...

The only thing that I have is observation. But, no I do not want any first hand experience of the negative side of being married. That is not to say I do not want to get married. Hahahaha.. just that.. don't get me wrong, alright. But hey, please note that I am in no hurry to get married.

Confused? Well, I bet not as confused as I was when I had to seek the reasons as to why these female friends of mine wanted to get married in the FIRST place when they could already sense the trouble coming! It was as clear as the nose on my face.

I hereby welcome all of you to join me in this series, if you could call it that, with the message Learn To Love Yourself.

Love From Me, @ Tanjung Puteri.