Deepest Grief

Mengapa terjadi, kepada dirimu

Aku tak percaya kau telah tiada...

As I was getting ready to go to work today, I saw my Dad reading the newspaper at our dining area. I tanya dia, dia tak pergi checkup ke, since my Mom pergi for hers today. He said no, just Mom. He just came back from sending my Mom. At that moment his cellphone rang. When he uttered the word Innalillahi Wainnailaihirojiun, I started to stare at him. His expression has changed completely. The next thing he said "tak payahlah pangil doktor. report polis aje. sakit tua". Just as he was hanging up, I fired a question to him. "Siapa meninggal?" He looked at me for a moment, speechless. Then he said "Tok Abah dah meninggal". His father. My grandfather.

The next thing I know was, I made several calls to my siblings, went to office and applied for compassionate leave, went to florist get some flowers and rushed to Skudai with my brother and sister. Upon arrival, jenazah Tok Abah dah diangkat ke tengah rumah. Orang dah mula datang berziarah. My father's siblings were mostly on their way from KL. Arrangements were made and the pengebumian was to be done after Zohor prayers.

My Tok Abah was an imam for masjid Kampung Melayu Skudai, Batu 10 for years and years. According to my grandmother, he passed away in his sleep, during bersahur time. Sebab, sebelum bersahur, Tok Mak lihat dia still breathing... come morning bila Tok Mak went to check on him, dia dah tak bernafas lagi. That was when my grandmother called my uncle and he, in turn called my Dad.

Tok Abah has been unconscious since 3-4 days before. Sebelum tu alhamdulillah, boleh duduk, berbual, naik wheel chair, berselera makan. He has been that way for about a year. Kalau tak silap, dia ada lung complication. And Gout. He used to be hospitalised last year. But since 3-4 days before passing, dia sudah terbaring, tak mahu makan, tak sedar, hanya jarinya bergerak-gerak membilang zikir. Cuma sekali, dia bertanya pada Tok Mak, katanya, agak-agak, berapa orang boleh sembahyang dalam rumah kita ni? He knew.

Yang berziarah datang tak henti-henti. One lady came to my grandma and offered condolences. Paling sedih bila nak balik, the lady couldnt refrain herself from sobbing. She said... "saya belajar mengaji dengan pak imam sampai saya pandai..." I had tears in my eyes.

When my father, as his eldest son, beri ucapan selepas solat jenazah di rumah, I feel like my heart being ripped. He cried. He couldnt bring himself to deliver whatever he wanted to say. Banyak kali, okay. Bukan sekali.

Macamanapun, pengurusan dan pengebumian berjalan dengan lancar. Jenazah disembahyangkan dua kali, di rumah dan di masjid. Bacaan talkin disempurnakan oleh seorang tokoh agama tempatan. Tok Abah memang pernah berpesan, jika dia meninggal, dia mahu jenazahnya diuruskan oleh orang berkenaan. Alhamdulillah, harapannya telah ditunaikan.

Semoga Allah Taala mengampunkan dosa-dosanya, dan menempatkan dia di kalangan mereka yang dikasihiNya, Insya Allah. Dijemput pergi pun pada bulan Ramadhan. Betapa Allah menyayangi dirinya.... Al-Fatihah.