Relationship - Insecurity and Jealousy

Are you suffering from these?

I am sure everybody is, but in different ways. But how you deal with it determines what is going to happen to you in later days.

It is really up to you. Because, we cannot change others. But we can control and improve ourselves.

At its worst, a wife may be cheated or even abandoned by her husband, a couple might end their relationship, a woman may lose her sanity, and thousand other possibilities.

You see, by nature, you can't really control another human being. Manusia ini bukankah ada perasaan. Sometimes, zahirnya sahaja dia patuh dan menurut kata, but deep down, Allah sahaja yang Maha Mengetahui.

It's really amazing how much energy a woman has when she is feeling insecure and jealous.

I have witnessed one. Really colorful. At first, the wife use some sort of 'spiritual' thing. You see, things like 'Pelindung' , 'Pendinding' , 'Penunduk'. Whenever a relative is coming over to KL, or going back to her kampung, bergelen-gelen 'air jampi' dipesannya. Not to mention sugar and salts yang dah 'berjampi' dan diletakkan dalam masakan. Despite all these, her husband has been having a mistress for eight years and she did not know a thing. She even bragged to relatives yang dia pandai jaga suami, suami mendengar cakap dia, and everything.

But I could easily see why. The only thing that puzzled me a little at that time was how on earth did the husband end up marrying her?

Now she is the kind of woman who is very boastful. Why she is like that is beyond me. She didn't really score well in the looks department, no charm, no qualification and nor is she a rich, spoiled girl. But yes, she is a nagging, pushy, whiny and very, very, very insecure person. Lepas tu dengan husband bukan main eksyen lagi.

When she found out about her husband's infidelity, the effect was tremendous. She was like meraung-raung sekuat hati, shouting at the top of her lungs - all the things that happened bila orang kena sampuk. And to make it more eventful, dia tinggal di rumah pangsa. So almost everybody in her block and the nearby ones boleh dengar. Cool, huh?

And she started doing stalkerly things. Whenever her husband's mobile rang, dia duduk sebelah husband dia untuk dengar. Kalau husbandnya bangun nak ke tempat lain, dia akan ikut. Also, dia check mobile husband dia on a daily basis. Call her husband a thousand times a day to prevent him from calling others. Even more interesting, husband stayed mostly in Nilai because he worked in KLIA and she stayed and worked in KL. So she has got the brain to go check the husband's rented house in Nilai. But what makes her even more smarter was the fact that she proudly announced to her husband "Bila-bila masa saja saya boleh pergi check rumah awak dekat Nilai tu". Bijaksana, kan?

She also called her husband's office, told the admin about her husband. She also badmouthed her husband to his siblings only to have their back turned on her. She threatened to kill her children. She even threatened suicide (which I silently prayed will come true, because it will save a lot of problems heheh).

Oh, she did not know exactly who the other woman was. But she has her own suspect. Of course, given her level of thinking, she has got the wrong suspect. But that is not the point. The point is, she did everything ugly to that person whom she suspected was having an affair with her husband. She called her parents, called her office, tried to attack her - all sorts of things. But the so-called suspect never ever responded to her, not even a single sms, making her depressed twice.

So, ladies, ask yourselves. Are you suffering from extreme insecurity and jealousy? If the answer is yes, clearly you need help. You seriously need professional help, believe me.

Here are some waves of advice:

Firstly, learn to accept that tiada yang kekal di dunia ini kecuali Allah. And be sincere about it. Insya Allah if you can accept this, memang tidak terlintas nak buat perkara-perkara yang 'menakutkan' like the ones I've mentioned above.

Secondly, brace yourself. Search your feelings. Improve yourself. Kalau ada yang perlu diperbaiki, do it instantly. This will make you feel good and confident. Rather than blaming others or finding absurd solution, why not opt for self-development? It pays in every single way.

Thirdly, something beautiful grows slowly by itself. Tak perlu dipaksa-paksa. Dan tak perlulah nak campurkan dengan unsur lain, contohnya menggunakan pendinding, pelindung, penunduk or pemanis. Tak perlu waste time guna khidmat bomoh. You see, they clearly use syaitan dan jin. Sedangkan in Al Quran it is clearly stated, jin dan syaitan itu sifatnya lebih menjurus kepada yang tidak baik. And, not only it's not going to work, it is totally forbidden by the religion. Berdosa. Rule out the possibility at once. CINTA DAN RESTU TAK BOLEH DIPAKSA, remember?

Fourthly, learn to control yourself. Tak perlu nak buat andaian dan sangkaan yang bukan-bukan. You will end up hurting yourself. You may even lose your sanity. Get a life (if you don't have one hehe). Disract yourself, find something you like best and focus on it. Better still, if there are opportunities coming your way, if they are fine with you, grab it (this one is dedicated to my fellow players *ahaks*).

Lastly, the most important, serahkan kepada Allah dan sentiasa berdoa kepadaNya. Cukuplah Allah sebagai pelindung. Semoga diri sentiasa dalam perlindungan Allah, no matter what. Insya Allah selamat bukan sahaja di dunia, but also di akhirat.

Note : Later I found out as to bagaimana the two of them got married in the first place. At first, the husband actually terpikat kepada the wife's cousin. But the mother of the wife, dengan segala 'kemurnian dan kesucian' hati, telah memotong jalan dan men'divert'kan attention kepada anaknya. At that time, anaknya itu was having an affair with someone's husband. Nak selamatkan keadaan, anak dia yang dikahwinkan, bukan anak saudaranya. And the husband entered the marriage innocently, without any knowledge yang dia tu dah jadi bidan terjun. So, it's a case of potong jalan and hiding facts. But as it is, what goes around, comes around in the end.

Moral : Nak kahwin ni tak perlu tipu-tipu, potong jalan, play dirty, guna khidmat bomoh atau pawang. Sebab, nanti makan diri sendiri. Sendiri yang malu. Besides, teruk betul bunyinya. How pathetic and incapable are you as a woman? Tiada daya penarik, like that. *Ahaks x 1000*