Not This Time..

How difficult it is for some people to understand and to admit what they did was wrong? That they have done something wrong?

And how hard is it for people to acknowledge that they are indeed 'kasar'?

And how can a person admit that he or she is indeed an unfair person?

for now, I believe the answer is negative. and I have been the victim of these people. all my life. yeah, like someone used to say I am stuck in the wrong circle.

see, I have nowhere to turn to, absolutely nowhere. some of you may know what I mean when I say nowhere.

but I decide, I am being put through this because maybe Allah wants me to be a tougher person.

it's not easy to hold back tears.. and I am not the person who could easily cry.. just now I was really at the point of crying, but I blinked back my tears.. I did it, i tried hardly..

because... I have decided that my tears are only for those who are worth of my attention. to cry because of the pain caused by those who have no feelings, no sensitivity, no brain.. is totally worthless...

not this time, no, I don't cry.. and this is how I should be... hell, I didn't even cry when he left me, why should I cry for those fools. but please, when I am leaving, please don't say you love me, don't say I am part of you, don't say anything. I fear I might throw up right to your face. Save me from that, please.