Cinta Suci - Datin Sheril Aida

This is a very lovely song from Datin Sharifah Sheril Aida, dedicated to her beloved husband Dato' Railey Jeffrey. The title is Cinta Suci and was very popular in the year 2002. Her sister, Sharifah Shahirul Isni was my best friend and roomate in my university days. Isni, if you are reading this, please leave a trace...and.. how's Ipin and Sofia?

Cinta Suci

Ohhh...Kala pertemuan dua jiwa

Seri cinta di hati

Sehingga aku kenali

Erti cinta

Kasih aku ingin engkau tahu

Aku takkan lupakan

Malah aku kan sanjungi

Pengorbananmu

*Kikiskan segala kecurigaan

Hatiku ini hanyalah untukmu

Yang kupanggil kekasih hati

Percayalah usah kau sangsi

Sekalipun nyawa aku pertaruhkan

Kasihku hanya satu tiada dua

Hingga nafasku kan terhenti

Tetap jua hanya dikau*

Ohhh...Detik pertemuan dua jiwa

Sentuh pintu hatiku

Tersedarlah aku akan

Cinta suci

(*)

Teratai, Seroja, Kiambang, Telepuk, Padma

From the same family, but each has different physical shape, and comes in different colors. The cool part is that.. I don't even know which one is which.. hehehehehe.... But they are all beautiful nonetheless..

RUDIN WENT MISSING

Today, the weather is unbearably hot. I feel so weak and uncomfortable. Even Bubu, my rabbit is not as active as he usually is.

My body temperature is very high. That, and sore throat. You could say that I am allergic to heat. I do not like hot weather. Gives me headache and a LOT of irritation. Rainy days, on the other hand, cheer me up, gives me a lot of ideas and a good sleep, of course. Something to do with being a Socrpio, maybe. For Scorpions have the Water element.

I did not make it to the International Book Fair at PWTC today and am very disappointed. For I have my purple baju kurung ready to meet Kak Su (Noor Soraya). She was there to meet her adik-adik and we were told to wear purple for this matter, and to remember the secret code. It has something to do with her current project, a new book titled "Surat Ungu Untuk Nuha". Purple is her favourite color too. I have something to give her, too. But I was too weak to even get up. Earlier tonight at about 8 something, I felt a little better and was thinking of going but when I sms her, she said she will be there until 9 pm. I didn't think I can make it before 9, though.

I called Faiz, my brother tonight. Just wanting to find out how he is doing, since it's been so long since I last spoken to him. He is 16, in Form 4. The youngest of 5, he is pampered by everybody. We call him Adik, despite the fact that he is the tallest of us all. He doesn't really like to be called Adik, though. Anyway, he told me that Rudin, the kitten has been missing for a week now. I was shocked and almost shouted, "Kenapa tak beritahu awal-awal?" He told me that Kak Lin ( my sister) did go and search around the neighbourhood and once saw a cat with a few kittens at our neighbour's and one of them looked very much like Rudin. Very likely he went in search for company since his brothers are way out of his age league. To this, I relaxed a little. But I told him to go search for Rudin thoroughly.

To those I love, I am extremely defensive and protective. Touch my loved ones, and you will cry blood. My loved ones, apart from my family, include my beloved close friends, and beloved relatives, be it close or distant, and my pet. But relatives fall under subjective category. Unfortunately for me, not all my relatives are loyal and I am not ashamed at all to admit this. For we are judged independently in the Day of Judgement.

Out of 5 of us, I am probably the most impatient and would not wait if something went wrong to my family or pet. I am always ready to tear anyone apart for this matter. My siblings, especially the younger ones, are innocent and trusting. People love to take advantage of them and be mean to them. Except for Mastura, the rest are more gentle and tolerance. In a way, Mastura is like me. Anyone trying to say mean things or trying to ill-treat my siblings, is subject to her sharp tongue, at that very moment itself.

My cousin Diana, once described me as behaving like a Mafia. I laughed at this. She insisted that Mafias can survive and tolerate almost everything, but touch their family, and you are dead.

I love peace, harmony, justice and fairness. As simple as that.

More on Multiple Personality Disorder

From http://skepdic.com/mpd.html

Memory and other aspects of consciousness are said to be divided up among "alters" in the MPD. The number of "alters" identified by various therapists ranges from several to tens to hundreds. There are even some reports of several thousand identities dwelling in one person. There does not seem to be any consensus among therapists as to what an "alter" is. Yet, there is general agreement that the cause of MPD is repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse. The evidence for this claim has been challenged, however, and there are very few reported cases of MPD afflicting children.

Psychologist Nicholas P. Spanos argues that repressed memories of childhood abuse and multiple personality disorder are "rule-governed social constructions established, legitimated, and maintained through social interaction." In short, Spanos argues that most cases of MPD have been created by therapists with the cooperation of their patients and the rest of society. This does not mean that MPD does not exist, but that its origin and development are often, if not most often, explicable without the model of separate but permeable ego-states or "alters" arising out of the ashes of a destroyed "original self."

A rather common view of MPD is given by philosopher Daniel Dennett.
...the evidence is now voluminous that there are not a handful or a hundred but thousands of cases of MPD diagnosed today, and it almost invariably owes its existence to prolonged early childhood abuse, usually sexual, and of sickening severity. Nicholas Humphrey and I investigated MPD several years ago ["Speaking for Our Selves: An Assessment of Multiple Personality Disorder," Raritan, 9, pp. 68-98] and found it to be a complex phenomenon that extends far beyond individual brains and the sufferers.
These children have often been kept in such extraordinary terrifying and confusing circumstances that I am more amazed that they survive psychologically at all than I am that they manage to preserve themselves by a desperate redrawing of their boundaries. What they do, when confronted with overwhelming conflict and pain, is this: They "leave." They create a boundary so that the horror doesn't happen to them; it either happens to no one, or to some other self, better able to sustain its organization under such an onslaught--at least that's what they say they did, as best they recall.

But if thinkers of Dennett's stature accept MPD as something which needs explaining in terms of psychological dynamics limited to the psyche of the abused rather than in terms of social constructs, the task of convincing therapists who treat MPD to accept Spanos' way of thinking is Herculean. How could it be possible that most MPD patients have been created in the therapist's laboratory, so to speak? How could it be possible that so many people, particularly female people [85% of MPD patients are female], could have so many false memories of childhood sexual abuse? How could so many people behave as if their bodies have been invaded by numerous entities or personalities, if they hadn't really been so invaded? How could so many people actually experience past lives under hypnosis, a standard procedure of some therapists who treat MPD? How could the defense mechanism explanation for MPD, in terms of repression of childhood sexual trauma and dissociation, not be correct? How could so many people be so wrong about so much?

to be continued further.

About MPD

Apart from F1 Grand Prix, I've been spending my recent weekend re-reading a book by Sidney Sheldon, titled Tell Me Your Dreams.

It is about a lovely lady suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder. An ex-law student myself, I found the subject very challenging, that is, trying to prove to the Court the existence of the disease.
I quote a review from the site http://www.twbookmark.com/books/38/0446607207/

Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon

Three gorgeous women.One dangerous secret.
Ashley, elegant yet haunted...Toni, sultry as well as vivacious...Alette, lovely and totally without conceit...three beautiful young women suspected of committing a series of horrifying murders. One of the One of the most bizarre murder trials of the century is about to begin and reveal an astounding, startling piece of medical evidence almost impossible to believe. Sweeping from London to Rome, from Quebec to San Francisco, this latest tale from the world's reigning master storyteller is so much more than a mystery: It is a searching, riveting, and, finally, triumphant foray into the dark, wild depths of the human heart...

From http://skepdic.com/mpd.html,

....students often ask me whether multiple personality disorder (MPD) really exists. I usually reply that the symptoms attributed to it are as genuine as hysterical paralysis and seizures....--Dr. Paul McHugh

Multiple personality disorder (MPD) is a psychiatric disorder characterized by having at least one "alter" personality that controls behavior. The "alters" are said to occur spontaneously and involuntarily, and function more or less independently of each other. The unity of consciousness, by which we identify our selves, is said to be absent in MPD. Another symptom of MPD is significant amnesia which can't be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. In 1994, the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-IV replaced the designation of MPD with DID: dissociative identity disorder. The label may have changed, but the list of symptoms remained essentially the same.

I will share more when I am done with my reading on MPD.

Sepang Raceday

I have never been to Sepang to watch a live F1 race. Because, I simply cannot stand crowd, heat and traffic congestion. Impatient? Very, to a certain extent. MATTA Fair? Also, no. Had to turn Sharifah Munauwarah - my best friend- down for this matter. Same reason.

Today's race witnessed Giancarlo Fischicella claimed the title of the raceleader and winner. Team-mate Fernando Alonso finished Second while Jenson Button Third.

My Ferrari hero, Michael Schumacher managed to finish 6th behind team-mate Felipe Massa, which, to me is quite remarkable considering he started at 14th place, due to penalty ( not sure for what reason).

Altogether an eventful raceday, where many drivers had to leave the race for various reasons. Kimi was first, in the very first round. His car was badly smashed. Nick Heidfield had to leave somewhere in the last 10 rounds because smoke came out of the back of his car.

Congratulations to the winners, and mostly to my favourite team, Ferrari.

To Michael and Felipe, congratulations for today's race and hardwork. And for adding more points to Ferrari. Michael, you are a fighter. Keep up the determination for the rest of the seasons. My Best Wishes. Will be sure to watch the Melbourne GP in April 2.

Faizal and Formula One

The first Formula One race for 2006 season began yesterday at Bahrain.

Renault's Fernando Alonso claimed his first victory for this season. Seven times world champion, Michael Schumacher finished second. He started from a record-equalling pole position. McLaren's Kimi Raikonnen finished third, after starting from the back of the grid.

Hey, Ferrari is back. Yey!

I am a fan of Ferrari team. I see that Rubens Barichello has switched to Honda team while Felipe Massa took his place in Ferrari.

In 2001 and 2002, Faizal and I used to text each other everytime there was a race.

He was a great fan of McLaren's Mika Hakkinen. But in 2001, Mika was no longer racing. But Faizal was still loyal to McLaren.

Nasib la tak bet.. kalau bet hehehe.. zaman tu pulak zaman zaman kegemilangan Ferrari.

And I really admire Michael Schumacher. He is very consistent and does not know how to give up. He is a winner.

To Ferrari, Congratulations and Best Wishes for 2006.

When You Look At Me

I came across this poem years ago at a site named Ayesha's Islamic Archive. I found lots of interesting articles on Islam there. I would like to share this poem with you.

When You Look At Me

What do you see when you look at me
Do you see someone limited, or someone free

All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair

Others think I am controlled and uneducated
They think that I am limited and un-liberated

They are so thankful that they are not me
Because they would like to remain 'free'

Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used
Describing women who are cheated on and abused

They think that I do not have opinions or voice
They think that being hooded isn't my choice

They think that the hood makes me look caged
That my husband or dad are totally outraged

All they can do is look at me in fear
And in my eye there is a tear

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
But because people are ignoring the one up above

On the Day of Judgment they will be the fools
Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules

Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie
But at least I am filled with more inner beauty

See I have declined from being a guy's toy
Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind
And aren't busy looking at my behind

Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause
The role that we play definitely deserves applause

I will be recognized because I am smart and bright
And because some people are inspired by my sight

The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility
In the back of their mind they wish they were me

We have the strength to do what we think is right
Even if it means putting up a life long fight

You see we're not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt
We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt

So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
We're not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated

We are the ones that are free and pure
We're free of STD's that have no cure

So when people ask you how you feel about tha hood
Just sum it up by saying 'baby its all good' ;)

-Author unknown.

Powerful Quotes

I love Inspirational and Motivational Quotes.

I would like to share some with you.

On forgiveness,

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. ~Mark Twain

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

On fear,

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. ~Mary Manin Morrissey

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. ~Bertrand Russell

If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all thinking, damages his personality and makes him a landlord to a ghost. ~Lloyd Douglas


On love,

Men love because they are afraid of themselves, afraid of the loneliness that lives in them, and need someone in whom they can lose themselves as smoke loses itself in the sky. ~V.F. Calverton

No one can understand love who has not experienced infatuation. And no one can understand infatuation, no matter how many times he has experienced it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

On beauty,

That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. ~Ninon de L'Enclos

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful. ~Karl Kraus

On patience,

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. ~Chinese Proverb

Here's some Blessings for my beloved friends :

To Kak Noor Suraya, My Favourite and Most Admired Author,

May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.

~Irish Blessing

To Julian, My Best Friend and Jedi Master

May you have warm words on a cool evening,
a full moon on a dark night,
and a smooth road all the way to your door.

~Irish Toast

To My Good Self, A Padawan Learner

May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.

~Irish Blessing

To Faizal, My Jedi Knight

WHOEVER FIGHTS MONSTERS, SHOULD SEE TO IT THAT IN THE PROCESS HE DOES NOT BECOME A MONSTER... AND WHEN YOU LOOK LONG INTO AN ABYSS, THE ABYSS ALSO LOOKS INTO YOU

- Friedrich Nietzsche, 1886

A Cool Advice

This is the continuation of the post 'To What Do I Deserve This Anger?'.

After that Friday night, he switched off his mobile for the whole weekend. I was worried and scared. My weekend was filled with Q & A session in my head, trying to figure out the reason. I sent several messages to his mobile. But there was no reply.

On Monday, I tried to call his mobile. I tried twice, but he did not take my calls. So I took the risk of calling his office, and was prepared for the worst. I only identified myself as Ann. I asked to speak to Faizal, but his secretary cynically asked me to address him using his first name. At that time barulah I tau first name dia. Well, not , my fault. His secretary said he was in a discussion. Not long after that my mobile rang, a call from him.

"Hello, Suraya. Did you call my office?".

"Yes I did. I am so worried. Whatever happened to you? Why did you swith your mobile off?"

"I was sick, and was admitted. The whole family was there. That's why".

"I see. I am so sorry I didn't know. You sakit apa, Faizal? "

"I sakitlah. "

"Were you mad at me? If you were, why? Takkan because I did not give you the answer".

"No. Nothing."

Not only was he rude, he was not nice. An entirely different Faizal. The best part is, I have absolutely no idea why. Tanya sakit apa pun, tak mau bagitau. If I did not care, I won't ask.

"Anyway, what's your first name?"

"B****l"

"Why didn't you tell me that night"

"Saja. What's your first name."

"A**i. Hey, please, tell me are you mad at me? You are different today."

"No. I am just busy. Please note that I am a 32 years-old man not a boy of 18".

"Alright, then."

"Okay. You see, I am very busy right now. I' ll talk to you later. And stop sending like twenty sms-es per day. Save your money."

"Okay, bye".

I was totally stunned. With all due respect, he was the one who called me so early in the morning AND anytime he likes, sending flirtatious sms-es and all... and NOW he said THAT to me? Save your money.

How unfair. How very unfair.

He did not call me as frequent as he used to. In fact, he hardly called me after that.

And I have resolved to the fact that he was not as nice as I thought. He is nice only when he wants to be.

I tried to sms and call him again after that, but, when the respond was negative, after a while I stopped.

Well, that hurts but I went on as usual.

One day, I talked to my best friend, a gentleman in his early 40s, about it. Just to get a man's point of view.

My friend said " My Dear, you don't really know him, so don't bother so much about him. What he did was terrible, yes, very ungentlemanly, regardless of who he is. That is no way to treat a lady, let alone a nice lady like you. But that's him. Not you. Don't say anything bad to him or hold grudges. "

"Yeah, that's what I did. Tapi I pelik. Sudahlah dia tak kenal I, suka suka dia je nak jadi baik atau kasar dengan I. Dahsyat betul. Jenis apa agaknya tu".

"Dear, itu namanya dia mengada-ngada. Yalah, agaknya he thinks it's easy for him to get any woman. Itu yang dia layan orang suka suka hati."

"You think, dia tu handsome dan cool sangat ke, sampai besar kepala macam tu?"

"Mungkin have the looks lah.. itu yang besar kepala tu... but, cool? No lah. Difficult to say, but you fikir sendirilah, kalau buat orang macam tu, cool ke?"

"hehehehe. I got it. Habis, kalau dia ada contact lagi, nak layan ke?"

"Up to you, rasa nak layan, layanlah ".

"Nanti dia kata I tak ada principles, layan je everytime. How?"

"Dear, you do what you like. What you think is right. Apa dia nak kata, biarkan. If you still think you should give him chances, layan lah as long as you can stand him. If you have had enough, then you know what to do. Your being nice to him after what he has done does not mean you have no principles."

"Okay. But what if he thinks I am cheap or tergila kat dia?"

"If that is the case, memanglah dia mat perasan habis, tak taulah dari ulu mana dia datang. If that happens, back-off Suraya. "

"Okay, I will give it a thought. Hmm, entah apa lah agaknya dia ingat I ni kan."

"My Dear, who is he? Who is he compared to us? "

To this, I got it completely. What a cool advice.

A Wonderful Speech

Recently I watched The Prince and Me 2, a very beautiful movie. It is a continuation from The Prince and Me (2004)

Of Dato'ship and Datinista and Julian

Some people have issues about this Dato' and Datin thing. Some would even spend a fortune to acquire the title. Some don't even care. Some holders of the title are good, and the rest are of course, the complete opposite.

I believe we should treat people with the amount of respect they deserve. Just because a person is a Dato' or a Datin, you should not expect yang bukan bukan from them. Neither should you be prejudice of them. I mean, there is this type of people, yang suddenly berkata "aku bukan heran pun dia dato' ke, anak dato' ke" for no reason at all. Trust me, I have witnessed such situation. A new employee came in, and just because words got around that that person is "anak dato'", people terus get insecure and say things..

Why can't people treat people normally and nicely? Is pleasantry and politeness too much a trouble? I just don't belong to this group. Plain and simple. I cannot see why a person has to judge someone he or she does not know. Strange enough there are many people like that. Too many. I don't know what makes them think they are so good that they can simply make assumptions on anything or anyone. I don't like them. Oh, while we're on that, I also don't like office politics. Simply because I do not kiss ass (forgive the expression).

Back to the subject, well, apalah nak susah susah.. should you meet a dato', or a datin, respect them, as you would respect another human being. If a friend or a neighbour or anyone has been decorated with the title, congratulate them. If you are honored to receive the title, accept it, and don't forget to bersyukur, of course. If not, tak payahlah nak dengki atau buruk sangka kepada yang ada. Kalau diaorang ni betul mengada ngada, taji ajelah hehehe.

There is no use of berhasad dengki dan berprasangka. After all, semuanya hanya untuk sementara. We will not be assessed in the akhirat based on this title.

Speaking of titles, I do not know how a Dato' and his Datin would be addressed in functions in other places in Malaysia. But in my hometown, they would address them in invitations as

Kepada:
YB Dato' Johari Adzam & Datin.

If the invitation is for Datin alone, they used to address it like:

Kepada:
YDH Datin Dato' Johari Adzam.

Even in the list of committee members, they used to do that. Style Mat Salleh hehehehe.
I don't know but I found that a bit funny. Imagine when they annouce the arrival.. bila announce ada nama lelaki.. yang tiba perempuan.. kahkahkahkahkah.

But for now, they have altered it a bit. They will officially address a datin as follows:

YDH Datin Hanna (Johari Adzam)

So you see, the name of the husband appears in bracket. This is far better, I think.

Of all Dato's and Datins in my hometown, there is this one particular Dato' that I like and admire. This is not to say I syok kat dia or anything. He is my best friend pun.. But I really like his style.. most unassuming. In my hometown, he is unique, a different kind of Dato', you would say.

I had his consent to talk about him in my blog, so here is why I like Julian's style so much. He has a long name, but I call him Julian. His mother is English, and his Dad Malay. Both of them live in England now, but for reasons unclear to anyone, si Julian ni suka sangat dengan JB city. So, whenever he is in Malaysia, he resides in his parents' house in JB. In his forties, Julian travelled a great deal, for he is a successful businessman.

The most beautiful thing about him is that he is so humble, simple and down-to-earth. And funny too. But more importantly is the way he dress. The man is gorgeous... so damn extremely gorgeous and handsome.. the man is crazy. When you say "Dato", in JB one would mentally picture a middle-aged man, dressed smartly in suit, or in expensive kemeja batik, or baju melayu teluk belanga. But Julian.. he is comfortable in his jeans.. and t-shirt.. and still looks dashing. Oh and ada juga dia pakai baju and seluar yang rugged (tak tau nak panggil apa).
When in formal functions, he would dress appropriately, of course, but off-the-scene, he is an Adonis. Made all the models dim in comparison.

Married? Yes, he was. But he has been on his own for the last 10 years. Poor Julian. Once, he said to me, "Susah susah you ajelah jadi wife I, Su". My instant reply was "Tak nak lah, nanti I kena belajar masak ikan". For Julian loves to eat fish and vegetables. Vegetables, I don't mind, sumpah I don't. But fish, ever since I had bad experience years ago when I was attempting to cook a Mackerel in England, I have resigned from even learning to cook lauk yang ada ikan. Even if my Mom yang masak, I bukan makan semua ikan. My fav would be Steamed Fish and Ikan Bawal Masak Tomato. The rest, I am fine with Ikan Masak Gulai Merah or Masak Lemak Cili Api. Yang lain? SORRRYYYY. Ikan Parang? Mintak Mahap, lagi baik I main Playstation daripada membuang tulang tulangnya. If I am to be Julian's wife, alamatnya hari hari u makan fish fillet lah Julian oi... heheheheh.

But we are very close. Very close friends. We share everything. Long time ago, he indicated that he would want to be closer than what we were having. But even then that was not possible. It's not that I did not want to. But I was never available. I was already with someone. I tried to be as good a friend as I could be, because I did not feel good letting him down. He is a great guy. A very loving man, a wise one. A gentleman. And we are so good together. Probably because of the age difference.. Every time Julian balik, I tried to be in JB in during weekends. Best dengar cerita dia travel. Kutuk dia pun best heheheheheh. Sorry, Julian. But we do what we could, went jogging at the beach, lepak at Singgah Selalu, went to borong DVD at Holiday Plaza, explore all the roads in JB..

To Julian, I hope you find your Datin soon.. someone to accompany you everywhere, someone to come home to, someone to care for you when you are not well, someone who knows how to cook fish (hehe) and most important, someone who loves you for yourself, Julian...